Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Continuing To Embrace....

... my new life!

"The empty nest will always be there, but visited with love and care, the empty nest will be a guiding light, a home for hope and stars so bright." (Or visited when the daughter is out of food!)

We are going on 2 1/2 months since Bri has moved out and I have moved into my small, but homey, one-bedroom apartment. Time flies! I'm now at the point were I can take life one-week-at-a-time as opposed to one-day-at-a-time. And I'm not breaking into tears because the light turned red before I had the chance to get through it. That's a good thing - right? Don't get me wrong there are still days when I miss Bri terribly, but it has become a dull ache instead of the sharp dagger to the heart pain.

I am finally on the front burner... and I have to say, it's lonely here sometimes. Gone are the days where my attention, thoughts and energy were for my children 24/7.... The days are gone when I had to run by the grocery store after a long day at the office because the kids went through another gallon of milk. Now the gallon of milk goes bad because there is no one there to drink it. No more rooms where it looked like a bomb went off. No more dishes in the sink, spilled soda on the counters, or boiled over food in the stove burners. A relief? Not really.

Now it is time for me to put my attention, thoughts and energy in to my dreams.... funny thing is I don't know how to do that.... where to start? I have put all of my being into motherhood for the past 26 yrs. Oh well, I have plenty of time to figure it out!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Start of My Empty Nesting!

According to Psychology Today’s diagnosis dictionary, Empty Nest Syndrome “refers to the feelings of depression, sadness and/or grief experienced by parents and caregivers after children come of age and leave their childhood homes.”

I will never forget the day my 19 year old daughter Bri told me she wanted to move into her own place. I felt like someone had taken a DULL knife and thrust it into my heart (a little over dramatic I know). You see - for the two weeks prior to this announcement we had both been packing in preparation for our move into a new place. Bri had brought up the subject of moving into her own place to me many times before this, but you see, I always had the ace in my back pocket... or so I thought... that was knowing that there was no way in hell she could afford her own place. So I would be able to keep my baby girl around for awhile longer.

Moving day.... it was so surreal waking up and knowing it was the last day that my daughter and I would be living under the same roof. I had been crying at the drop of a hat for days, actually weeks. The girls at work were getting a little worried about my state-of-mind. Can't lie, so was I. How did this happen? I prayed for the day when my kids would spread their wings and move on with their lives.... Now the day has come and I want to take it back. I DON'T WANT THE LAST OF MY KIDS TO LEAVE ME....
I apologize... I got off on the "poor mom" soap box. Anyway, I am now moved into my place and Bri has taken her "stuff" to her dad's. We have decided to meet back at the old apartment to do the dreaded cleaning. As we are sitting Indian Style in the middle of the empty living room eating Wendy's (with CiCi begging for crumbs) Bri breaks down in tears. I'm so touched - this is the first time Bri has cried during this whole process.... but wait she is not crying because she is leaving her mother,, she is crying because she is leaving CiCi. I think her exact words were "Mom, I think I'm going to miss CiCi more than you". OUCH! Not much dinner was eating (we both had no appetite), the old apartment has been cleaned, the last of the trash has been put at the curb... it's time for kisses, hugs and good bye's. CiCi and I take off for our new apartment and wave good bye to Bri as she takes off for her new ADVENTURE.  TIME TO FLY BRI.... I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY!!

                            Bri and CiCi

Friday, July 2, 2010


Disclaimer.... I love my kids and I'm truly blessed to be their mother. Now, let the games begin....

"Mom, I have no clean clothes" ( I just did 3 loads of laundry), "Mom, I'm hungry... why don't we have any food in the house?" ( I just dropped $150 at the grocery store), "Mom, I have a science project due at school tomorrow." (It's midnight the night before), "Mom, can I get a ride to Jess's?" (Really? This is the third time today), "Mom, I forgot to clean the kitchen." (Even though I left you a note, sent you a text, and called to remind you before I left the office!!), "Mom, I'm going to a party tonight but there wont be any alcohol." (Don't they know you can't bullshit a bullshitter?). I could go on-and-on. During these wonderful moments I always had the tiny voice in the back of my head asking the all important question - WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END? I longed for the day when I was going to be able to put myself first. Finally remove myself from the back burner after being  a mother for 26 years. When the craziness that I mentioned above would be a fuzzy memory. And then the day came!

I wanted to share these two pictures of my kids when they were babies....

Left: Cathy and the boys (Joe is on the left) / Right: Cathy and Bri

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Where do I begin?

Hello, my name is Cathy and I'm a virgin empty-nester. OK, maybe that's not the right way to start things off. I got the idea to start this blog from my girlfriend, Elizabeth. I read her blog and it inspired me! How therapeutic would it be for me write about my trials and tribulations as a new empty-nester, not just an empty nester, but a "single" nester. What a great way to heal my heart after my daughter Bri left it broken by moving out and leaving me alone to fend for myself. Love you Bri!

Let me give you a little history about myself. I have been married 3 times, although I keep telling myself that the first one doesn't count because we were married for less than a year. Legally I know that this is not the case but it make me look less husband needy (in my mind). My first marriage to Mike did not produce any children. However, I have two wonderful boys (or men as the liked to be called) from my second marriage; Joe is 26 and lives in South Carolina, Jeff is 25 and is stationed in South Korea. He and his wife Leah are making me a grandmother for the first time in September. Brianna or Bri is my 19 year old daughter from my third marriage to Alton. Bri did convince me to get a puppy nine months ago. I think she knew she was on her way out and didn't want her poor mother to be completley alone. CiCi is a puggle and the new joy of my life. You will be reading a lot about her. I have attached a few pictures so that you can have a visual of who the players are on my blog journey.

Jeff, Joe, Cathy, and Bri

I will be signing off for now, but will be back tomorrow. I look forward to sharing my empty nesting journey with all of you.